The 2018 Biscuit Awards
Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the 2018 Biscuit Awards. What are the Biscuit Awards you ask? Only the greatest idea ever.
How it works is this, a few weeks back I emailed my colleagues asking for their top five favourite biscuits, in no particular order. Then Bérengère and I painstakingly analysed the data and came up with a list of the top five collective favourite biscuits. From here we bought the chosen five boxes of biscuits, reminded everyone daily of the important date of the biscuit awards, and brewed a very large pot of tea.
The top five biscuits to choose from were:
1. Borders chocolate gingers
2. Chocolate Hobnobs
3. Marks and Spencer’s Milk chocolate rounds
4. Giant bakery cookies(this category included any of the giant bakery cookies from a grocery store, as this category was not so much about flavour but focused more on size and texture)
5. Liebnitz squares.
Believe me, when the ultimate top five were chosen it was not without controversy. “Where’s the shortbread?” cried one, “What about jaffa cakes?” cried another, “Too much chocolate” cried no one. Despite the protests, democracy reigned. The top five had been chosen by popular vote and it was now time to sort them into the appropriate categories.
We decided that it was important to assign a biscuit to each of the key everyday moments in PhD Life. The categories were:
1. Best biscuit after a bad supervision meeting
2. The suffering through statistics biscuit
3. The “I don’t give a damn” biscuit
4. The biscuit for literature review realness
5. The winning at writing celebratory biscuit
The procedure for the Biscuit Awards was simple. Eat a bit of biscuit and assign it to a category. We also asked everyone to write down their TOP BISCUIT choice. The highest of honours. Our lab is full of wonderful, enthusiastic and equally ridiculous people, so everyone took this process very seriously.
The cups of tea flowed as the voters scribbled their choices onto the ballot while the sounds of dunking biscuits filled the air. We glanced suspiciously at one another, wondering if our friendships could survive this considerable level of drama and deliberation. After much humming and hawing, sipping and nibbling, it was time to announce the winners.
For the best biscuit after a bad supervision- Marks and Spencer’s Milk Chocolate Rounds.
The consensus? The high chocolate to biscuit ratio is needed after a soul crushing supervision (Please note that this was also the choice of our supervisor- We don’t discriminate here)
For the suffering through statistics biscuit- Chocolate Hobnobs. Chosen for it’s dunking durability and the fact that the heartiness of the biscuit lends itself well to the sheer quantity that may be needed when battling through R.
For the “I don’t give a damn biscuit”- A unanimously chosen Giant Bakery. This one was a shock to no one, as it seems a Universal Truth that on the days were you just can’t face the world, the only comfort is an obnoxiously large and squishy cookie.
For the Literature Review Realness biscuit- Border’s Chocolate Gingers. These were the most polarizing of biscuits. One voter considered them to be above and beyond all other biscuits. Others weren’t really a fan of the ginger. I suppose it’s much like writing-some love it and some find it far too flavourful.
For the Winning at Writing Biscuit- Leibnitz chocolate squares. Less chocolate than the milk chocolate rounds, but enough to serve as a celebration.
And the winner of best overall favourite? The Giant Bakery Cookie. Is anyone really that surprised?
And there you have it. Our cups were empty and the biscuit awards were all awarded. A comprehensive sugar high spread over us all as we returned to our lives, armed with the knowledge of which biscuit goes best with which life moment.
Alliances were broken, truths were revealed and assurances were given to our supervisor that yes, we really do have enough work to do.
Whether it’s a cup of tea for comfort, or a bite of biscuit in celebration, these sorts of creature comforts are important. There will be many ups and downs, in life and in a PhD, but one can take solace in the fact that there will also always be biscuits.
Happy April Fool’s Day readers. May it be full of lots of tea and biscuits.
- Sinéad
