Stressed? Me? Never.
The other day I had a full blown panic attack. We’re talking the “need to stand outside in the cold gasping for fresh air kind”. It was exhausting. But it reminded me that it’s very easy to let your stress creep up on you. Stress is an absolute silent killer and being an adult is full of stress. So is grad school. The problem is, stress is inevitable. But while there’s no way to get rid of it completely, I do think that there’s some strategies you can put in place that can help you along the way.
Get rid of your poker face and be honest.
I’ve got a very good poker face. I am not one that wears my emotions across my face and I’m very good at keeping things to myself. This means that if I don’t actively say something when I’m struggling, people won’t really have any idea that something is going wrong.
It can be really hard to reach out for help but it’s an important life skill to learn. It’s far too easy to fall into the trap of feeling like you have to have everything under control at all times.
No one has everything under control at all times. Everyone has wobbles and everyone needs help.
Because doing a PhD, especially in the final stages where everything is happening all at once, can be a very isolating experience, the people around you may not have the chance to ask you if everything’s okay. That’s why it’s important to learn how to go one step further and reach out. I’m not particularly good at this. When I’m stressed or upset I like to take a beat to process things on my own and it can be hard to remember to follow that up by reaching out. I’m learning though! Even something as simple as a quick “I’ve got a big meeting today wish me luck” message to a pal can make you feel a bit more connected, a bit less alone, and a bit more grounded.
Make plans
When life gets busy (and stressful) I find that making even more plans helps me feel better. The more things I have on the go, the more necessary I find a solid and elaborate plan. Plans for work, plans for chores, plans for social events, plans for meals, even plans for outfits if I feel like it will help! My brain has a tendency to get a bit spacey when I’m stressed and I find it insurmountably helpful to write absolutely everything I need to remember/accomplish/hand in/show up to down, so that I can have it in one space on paper (rather than in a massive jumble in my brain).
Focus on someone or something else
Nothing makes me feel better about my stress then putting my energy into something or someone else. Baking a cake for a neighbour, proofreading something for a colleague, volunteering, anything that can make me feel as though I’m doing something tangible that is helping someone else helps me feel better. I think it’s really easy when we’re stressed to get caught up in it and I find that by excusing myself from my own world for a minute I can have a chance to catch my breath, help someone else out, before coming back and sorting out my own mess.
It’s also good to have a list of things you can rely on to occupy your mind when you need a break. A couple of go to movies (mine’s Hocus Pocus), a favourite book, a craft project, an exercise class, anything to give your mind a bit of a break is helpful.
Physical health
The physical effects of stress are profound and varied. It’s always important to look after your physical health but I find that this becomes particularly salient when you’re stressed. Your body is signalling to you to take a break and, though it can be hard to justify/listen, it’s really important that you do (or else you face the wrath of the dreaded stress induced head cold).
We’ve mentioned it before here but I find yoga to be very helpful. It can be relatively gentle or strenuous depending on what I need, it gets me moving, and it allows me something else to focus on. Friends of mine love swimming, others love a long walk-really the method doesn’t matter so long as you’re up and moving in a way that you enjoy. Meditation can also be really useful (though I have yet to get beyond the raging chaos of thoughts stage myself).
Also remember to hit the big five:
- Eat healthy foods
- Drink water
- Get sleep
- Move around
- Get outside.
Remember that you are not alone
I find mental health to be a very tricky subject to write about because it’s going to be a very individualised experience. But if you are reading this and you do feel overwhelmed please remember that you are not alone. You have people who love and believe in you.
If you’re specifically at in Edinburgh then there are numerous organisations that are there for you:
As I mentioned before, at the start of the week I felt pretty damn rough. wobble. A big wobble. Then the next day I talked about it and I felt a bit better. When colleagues and friends asked “how’s it going”. I replied honestly. They offered comfort, words of wisdom, and camaraderie along the lines of “oh yeah, been there, I totally understand”.
Then I got a good night’s sleep and felt even better. Then I made a plan of action and felt a load better. Now it’s the end of the week and, while the stress level is still high, the wobble feels in the past and I’m focused on what’s ahead.
People were there for me when I needed them, I just had to ask.
So don’t be afraid to ask.
You can do this!
Sincerely,
-Sinéad
